"OLD" IS WHEN - Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"

"OLD" IS WHEN - Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN - A sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN - Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN - You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN - You are cautioned to slow down by... the doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN - "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.

"OLD" IS WHEN - "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" IS WHEN - An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee

"An old man goes in for his yearly physical, with his wife tagging along. Entering the examination room, the doctor says, 'I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample.'The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, 'What did he say?' The wife yells back to him, 'GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!'"